Ask Alpha Submissions
Q:
Dear Alpha,
I have a problem. I like this guy. Like super like him. He said that he’s at a weird place for dating right now and then said that he’d love to get to know me and gave me his number. I’m confused. And with Valentines Day coming up I’m worried that someone else might try and snag him. I don’t want him to lose interest in me. What do I do?
A:
Dear Anonymous,
This is a really common problem. First, you have to respect that he doesn’t want to date anyone right now, and even with Valentine’s day trust that he’ll stick to that. The only thing you can really do is be there if and when he’s in a good place for dating, keep talking to him and get to know him. If he’s interested in you then something will happen eventually, and if not it wasn’t meant to happen. You just have to go with the flow and know that whatever is meant to happen will happen.
Sincerly,
Alpha
Q:
I have this friend, actually let me rephrase that, I have this best friend and I hurt her horribly. I became friends with her ex boyfriend that she dated last year, but then this last weekend I had him come over to hangout; not thinking anything of it because she had said if something were to happen between him and I she wouldnt mind….. Well when he came over, we kissed which led to making out, he gave me a hickey, we also cuddled, and we both ended up falling asleep. Now, I wasnt going to say anything to her in the first place but since she is my best friend I thought I should tell her what happened.
Now telling her, she became extremely upset, to the point where everytime she talked to me, she couldnt even look at me, let alone have a complete conversation with me.
Now I’m also with her other best friend, which bugs her even more because he was “in love” with her, also keeping her updated on whats going on there because she is my best friend, and I feel the need to tell her whats going on.
I need help, which is weird for me because I rarely ever ask for help, but at this point I have no idea what to do, I have told her that no matter what her decision is, I will support it, but she doesnt want to be friends at this point…. please help, I desperately need your advice.
junior157
A:
Dear junior157,
First off take a deep breath and calm down. You like her ex-boyfriend. I understand this very well, as my best friend dated my ex for more than seven months. At first, I was very angry, but I realized it was her happiness. One thing I would suggest for you is having a little get-together with your friend, so you can talk. Just be sure to bring a third person just to be kind of like a peer mediator. Then you can ask her if you can talk without interruption to tell her everything on your mind, but in return, you should do the same. Go to a public place so you won’t get into a fight or a screaming match. It will make you want to stay quiet and not make a scene. Then, just give her some space to come to terms with it. If you truly like this person, then it might take some getting used to for your friend, but she will have to realize sooner or later that she should be happy for you. Give her a little space, but let her know you still would like to be friends. If you or any of your friends need advice, just send them my way. I’m here to help.
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Kat:
Hey. One thing I have been wondering is if it truly considered healthy in a relationship to think that other people are attractive? I have heard from many people that are in what would be considered healthy relationships that that this is a normal thing and that it is alright. Now I do think that as long as you both are happy and comfortable in your relationship that this is something that shouldn’t matter. What do you think?
A:
Dear Kat,
It is completely normal to find someone else attractive. Honestly, I have found people attractive during a relationship. If you are both happy with your relationship, it shouldn’t matter. You should, on the other hand, be honest with you boyfriend or girlfriend. If you feel guilty for finding a different person attractive, then go talk to him or her, tell him or her that you found this a person attractive. It’s not wrong to like someone’s looks or attitude. Now, if you are talking to that person and flirting, that is a different situation. If you are flirting, that can be taken out of context, and your significant other could feel as though that is cheating. Kat, if you are just attracted to this person and don’t have strong feelings toward this person, you’re okay.
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Anonymous:
i need some advice……. i have all this stress on me and i am so overwhelmed with everything, i have a job, school, in two clubs, along with volunteering, im trying to pick a college and debating whether i should go into the military. i work 309 hours a week and do everything i can to keep my grades up and plan all these events coming up….. what my question is; what should i do to make everything seem not so overwhelming or how can i do all this without being stressed out?
can you help me?
A:
Dear Anonymous,
First of all, breathe. Take a deep breath and clear your mind. As for your college dilemma, think about what you want to do with your life. If you don’t know what you want to do yet, that is perfectly fine. You have another year to think about this. Take some classes that you haven’t taken before. Find something that interests you or that you are good at. Chances are, there is a career that corresponds with your interests. Then you should talk to your school counselor or look at colleges on your own. Try talking to our school’s ETS counselor, Randy Palmer. He might be able to help you get on the right path.
I can’t tell you whether or not to join the military, that is completely on you. Although, one benefit of joining the military is the possibility of finding out where you want to go in life and what you want to do.
If you need to take some time off work to get your grades up then talk to your boss. Make sure your boss knows that you won’t be using your time off to goof around, but rather to do school work.
In order to relax, try taking a break. I’m not saying you should ignore your responsibilities. I’m saying that you should lay down in a quiet space from time to time and just breathe. Remember that you can’t do everything yourself. You may want to look into getting a tutor or buying a planner. Make a list of everything you have to do and take on each task one at a time. If all else fails, you might be able to come to a compromise with some of your teachers. Tell them what is going on and see if there is anything they can do to help. However, you should only do this as a last resort because you can’t expect people to accommodate to your personal needs.
I really hope this helps. If you have any further questions then feel free to submit them.
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Where’s my best friend:
Dear Alpha,
One of my best friends, who is also one of my co-workers, feels like she’s not important to me anymore. I’ve been grounded recently due to bad grades. But at school I’m always with her and when I can be, but she doesn’t seem the least bit happy to be talking to me. I’ve also been putting all of my time into doing homework to get ungrounded to see her and hangout with her again. Instead of talking to me about it face to face she just ignored me and then texted me what was wrong. ALSO she’s been talking to a guy, I’ll just say his name is Arby. But “Arby” has taken up all her time and that’s all she seems to talk about now. Whenever we would go somewhere for lunch she would bring him with us and not really talk to me the whole time. If she’s happy then I’m happy, but I don’t want to lose one of my only friends because the way I feel. How do I approach her without making her feel like she’s being attacked or something?
A:
Dear Where’s my best friend,
Next time you and your friend go out to lunch, ask if it can be just you and her. That will give you the opportunity to bring up the subject. If that doesn’t work, and you are still grounded, try calling her. Tell her you feel like you are losing her. Be careful of the tone you use when you do this. Use a calm voice and be blunt about what you say, but not harsh. Remember, those two can easily get mixed up. Tell her how you feel about the situation, including this new guy she has been talking to, but make sure to give her a chance to speak. Letting her speak her mind will help prevent her from feeling like she’s being attacked.
If it turns into an argument, don’t call her names. Relax and try to calm her down. You two might have to have a few talks before the situation is resolved, don’t expect things to turn out perfect the first time around.
If you have any further questions, please submit them under the same name. I hope this helps!
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
In Love and Lonely:
Dear Alpha,
I’m a little freshman.. Not only do I sometimes feel lost, I also feel alone. A lot of the upper class girls are really cute and I want to talk to them sometime. I have a few that I really think are attractive, three of them work the coffee cart sometimes in the morning. How do I get them to talk to me and start to like me? I just want someone to like me for who I am. Also, does grade difference matter?! I’ve heard that they’re all juniors.
A:
Dear In Love and Lonely,
I understand your dilemma. Grade might matter to those girls, but there is no way to know for sure unless you ask. Try talking to one of them the next time you go to the coffee cart and I suggest you only go for one at a time, otherwise you will give off the wrong impression. Compliment her on simple things like her hair or her shirt. Even just saying, “You look nice today” and smiling at her can help. If you want somebody to like you for who you are, then be yourself. It’s that simple. Keep in mind that this method is not 100% effective. Every girl is different and I can not guarantee that she will fall for you. If this doesn’t work, don’t let it change you. Keep being yourself and one day you will find a girl who likes you for you.
If you have more questions on this topic then please submit them under the same name. I wish you the best of luck!
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Scared Sick: Dear Alpha, I know ebola isn’t here in Idaho, but I don’t like hearing jokes about it all the time. How do I tell people that I don’t like those kind of jokes without being looked at differently?
A:
Dear Scared Sick,
I can understand why you don’t like hearing the jokes, it is a serious topic. I suggest you keep in mind, even though it is a serious topic, most of the information gets exaggerated. If somebody you know tells a joke about ebola then you have two main options. One, you could tell your friend that it is a serious topic and you are worried about it. Or, two, you could try to ignore it. The more mature method is the first, but not everybody likes to speak up about that sort of thing. Most likely there are other people bothered by these jokes. Sometimes the people telling the jokes are trying to hide how they feel about the subject. No matter what you say, you will be looked at differently. It is a part of being an outspoken person. Regardless of the looks, people usually feel better after speaking their mind. Hopefully things work out and your friends will respect your feelings.
If you have anymore questions or concerns, please submit them under the same name.
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Potato: I am having issues with my boyfriend, we are constantly fighting/arguing, what should I do?
A:
Dear Potato,
It really depends on what you are fighting about, but regardless of the topic the two of you should sit down and have a serious talk. Don’t make it a public thing or make a big scene because that will only worsen the situation. Try going to his house or inviting him over, making sure it is just the two of you, and talk about possible reasons for the arguments. Don’t forget to let your partner talk and really hear them out. Try to see things from his point of view.
If that doesn’t work, there is always counseling. It isn’t likely that counseling will be necessary, considering you are only in high school, but each relationship is different. Make sure your boyfriend knows that you are there for him and that you care, try to make him more comfortable with talking about your issues. Remember, you both need to be comfortable for this to work.
I hope this helps! If you have any follow up questions then feel free to submit those questions under the same name. Best of luck!
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Brooke: Dear Alpha, I’m always broke but I really want to do something nice for my friends on Christmas. I know it’s kinda far away but I really want to get started on something for the three of them.. How can I earn money fast but not let it get in the way of my school work?
A:
Dear Brooke,
I know that feeling all too well. You could do things around your neighborhood such as raking leaves. Soon enough you might be able to shovel snow. If you like making things and happen to have some craft supplies then you can make different crafts and sell them. Or, instead of selling the crafts, you could make unique gifts for your friends. Maybe include different inside jokes that you have with them. If all else fails, make heartfelt cards and if you still want to get them gifts, wait until you have enough money saved up. If it is a good enough gift, your friends shouldn’t care if they get it on Christmas or a little late.
I hope this helps! If you have any further questions, please submit them under the same name.
Sincerely,
Alpha
Q:
Dear Alpha, Lately I have been under a lot of stress. I am considered the “therapist” among and for my friends. They all come to me with their problems and ask for advice. (Similar to what you are for the entire school) I usually know what to say, but lately I have been drawing blanks… I feel like I am letting them down and possibly losing their trust/faith in me. Also, I was recently gone from school for a while and was practically BURIED in makeup work. I’m still trying to get up my grades, but I find it difficult to focus. I also have to clean almost my entire house by myself, because my mom has a disability, making it difficult for her to help me most of the time. I have so much to do, more than I have listed, and I don’t know what to do. Every time I try to start or finish a task, something else gets in my way. I usually end up giving up, whether I want to or not. I know I need to get things done, but I never do anything about it. I think I might just need motivation, but I’m really confused. Any advice?
P.S. Sorry it was so long! ~Overwhelmed and Overworked~
A:
Dear Overwhelmed and Overworked,
First, what you need to do is to focus on one thing at a time. Sometimes I find myself procrastinating when I need to be able to focus on one thing. So, when this happens I shut everything out except for the thing I am trying to accomplish. When you are under a lot of stress it can be difficult to focus but you have to put your mind to it and go for it. Never give up or you will never accomplish anything. You need to find time for yourself to focus. Like with your friends needing advice. Even if you think you are letting them down, you need to explain that right now you need to take time for yourself rather than helping them at that very moment. I’m sure if you just explain to them what is going on they will understand because everyone has moments like this. I know I do all the time.
Secondly, you need to find a way to make time for yourself to get work done and help clean the house. If you have to, get some chores done in the morning (before school), some done in the afternoon (after school), and some at night. Then with homework and things for school you can always do that right after school, after chores, or do a chore then homework and so on and so forth. That way you can help your mom and still get stuff done for yourself. Also, this could help you get your grades up as well. You just need to find a way to work studying in your schedule even if it means missing your favorite show one day.
So, never give up even if something gets in your way! You just need to work around it! Just like a bump in the road, you have to go around it to keep going on. Just never give up because that is basically the number one problem! Giving up on what you are trying to focus on can cause a lot of stress, more than you want or even need. So never give up, make time for yourself, and work around the road blocks ahead.
Thank you for asking for advice! If you have any further questions please don’t hesitate to ask!
Q:
My mom has a new boyfriend, but I feel like he’s always around. I know she’s really happy, but I want to spend more alone time with her. How do I tell her? -Mom’s 3rd Wheel
A:
Dear Mom’s 3rd Wheel,
What you really need to do is to tell her how you feel. She will be okay if you have to tell her that you hate that she is always with her boyfriend. She knows that you are more important. It can really hurt your feelings when you feel like your mom isn’t paying attention to you anymore. I know if I was in this situation, I would tell my mom that I really want to spend time with her rather than her boyfriend. What I think you should do is tell her how you feel rather than hiding it just to keep her happy. You want to be happy too, and it isn’t fair if she is happy and you aren’t. Nobody should be unhappy with their parent’s boyfriend. That causes a separation between the parent and child. Just tell her how you feel, and maybe you will feel a lot happier.
If you have any further questions in the future, please don’t hesitate to ask.
-Alpha
Q:
How can I convince my parents I’m responsible enough for a pet?- Throw Me a Bone
A:
Dear Throw Me a Bone,
The best way to convince parents is to show you are capable of caring for a pet. Pets take time, so make sure you show your parents that you are willing to spend the time and energy to take care of a pet. This means you may have to make sure your schedule is flexible. Another way to convince your parents is to take on more responsibilities than you already have. Remember, you are going to have to get use to responsibilities if you want a living creature to take care of. Grades are also going to be very important. If your parents are tying having an animal to your grades, they might want you to make sure your grades are acceptable before taking up the responsibility of a pet. Hope this helps, howl back if you have anymore questions or concerns.
-Alpha
Q:
What is the best relationship advice for a sophomore in high school that is going through a controlling relationship? -Meaghan
A:
Dear Meaghan,
A controlling relationship isn’t exactly the best relationship to be in. You want your own freedom and will to do what you want. I’m not exactly saying to walk away from the person completely, but communication is definitely key. Try approaching whomever is being the controller in the relationship and as cliche as it sounds, express your feeling and opinions on how it is they are treating you, and how you do not appreciate it. Or, if that doesn’t work you can try talking to a counselor because they can help you as well. I hope this gives you a little insight on what to do. If you need more help, or have some more questions, please do not hesitate to ask me.
-Alpha
